I can't handle it



Stoplights, angry red, bored holes into my consciousness. Brakes screeched as my backseat belongings somersaulted. My peripheral vision caught the nose of a white van, too close. The smell of burning rubber overtook my senses. Yep, I was awake now—shaken out of a mental fog induced by sleeplessness, sickness, and stress. As I pulled away from the middle of the intersection, my rear-view mirror showed me wisps of smoke rising from the pavement. I shakily guided Li'l Red into a nearby parking lot, and the words bubbled out:  "I can't handle this anymore." 

By "this," I didn't just mean my coffee-less Monday morning. I meant the ongoing trials of life. The unending checklists and bills, the unending brokenness in people I love, the unending battle between fighting for what’s best and settling for okay. 

A few seconds later, it struck me that maybe that's exactly what God was waiting for me to say. I had just read that morning: "Faith is dependence upon God. And this God-dependence only begins when self-dependence ends. And self-dependence only comes to its end with some of us when sorrow, suffering, affliction, broken plans and hopes bring us to that place of self-helplessness where we throw ourselves upon God is seeming utter helplessness and defeat." (McConkey) 

“This God-dependence only begins when self-dependence ends.” Hm. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that “without faith it’s impossible to please God.” While most of us say we want to please God, it doesn’t seem to click that that means losing self-dependence. Self-dependence is as natural to us as breathing air. I heard it all through college in performance pep talks or motivational speeches: "You got this. Believe in yourself."

I once heard a wise speaker say, "The four worst words you could say in your Christian walk are 'I can handle it.'" If this is this case, and God has our spiritual best in mind, then he will indeed test us above what we ourselves are naturally capable of; he will do this so that we come to a spot where we say "I can't handle this. I need You." Only then will He be able to step in and say, "I can."

When the apostle Paul had a figurative "thorn in the flesh,” he asked God to take it away (see 2 Cor. 12). But God knew that Paul needed it, otherwise he would “be exalted above measure” and become spiritually useless to God.  In John 15, Jesus tells his disciples, "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing." We can't bear spiritual fruit apart from staying connected to our source of life--Jesus. "Nothing." Therefore, to be used of God, Paul needed that ongoing (probably draining) trial to stay weak. Stay weak? Yes. If Paul was not first weak, God's strength could never have been perfected in him. Do you realize your natural abilities can be spiritual liabilities? The things we are naturally strong in can keep us from God because we don’t see our need for him.

Instead of taking away the trial, God instead gave a beautiful promise: “My grace [My undeserved, overflowing kindness] is sufficient [it’s enough!] for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” What a trade: grace for weakness.

A little over 2000 years ago, Someone saw all your weakness, all your selfishness, and all your stubbornness and said, "I'll take that." The one person who had never known sin willingly chose to take on sin and its consequences—death, physically and spiritually—so that you could have life. “For our sake [God] made [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Cor. 5:21) Jesus Christ died for the ungodly, for the ones who know they have no chance. He himself said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matthew 9:12-13)

I know that compared to a holy God, I will never measure up. I will never be able to satisfy a just God’s demands by rule-keeping. That’s why Jesus died—he paid my debt to God in full on the cross. Nothing I will ever do could repay his sacrifice. It’s all been done for me! In faith, I have simply accepted this payment on my behalf, and therefore God says I have eternal life (1 John 5:13). I am permanently “passed from death unto life” (John 5:24). I am a child of God (John 1:12). And it’s all because of Jesus and what HE did.

So why now, in my everyday life, with everything from broken phone screens to depressed friends, can I not see that? That it’s all about Jesus and what HE’s doing? God didn’t just save me, call me his child, and then send me out the front door with a happy-colored “I got this” sticky note plastered to my forehead. No. He wants to show himself strong in my weakness. He wants me to be able to say “I know that his grace is enough for me.” But He only gives strength to those who are weak. So stop telling yourself you can handle it. Tell God “I can’t handle this” so he can respond, “No, but I can.” 

"Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength."
- Isaiah 40:28-29

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